Ash-Strong, Act 2, Scene 3: Ashley and Mary-Kate Have a Heart-to-Heart

Ash-Strong: A Love for the Ages

Act 2, Scene 3

An empty cafeteria.  Mary-Kate chews on straw wrappers.  Ashley looks out the window at passers-by.  Outside, it’s raining.

Ashley

Mary-Kate.  Do you ever feel like men and women are more alike than we realize?

Mary-Kate

Men are idiots.

Ashley

But are women so perfect?

Mary-Kate

Women aren’t perfect, they’re just more perfect than men.  For example, take a look at what I’m wearing.

Ashley

Is that a trash bag?

Mary-Kate

It’s a dress, Ashley.  It’s a dress.  And it’s unique and it’s beautiful, and it proves I’m not afraid to take chances.  Unlike a man.

Ashley

You think men don’t take chances?

Mary-Kate

I think men don’t have to.  Men still have all the power in the world.  And they know it, which is the worst thing.

Ashley

I don’t know, I think women still have some power.

Mary-Kate

Women have the power to say “no” to men.  They’re what men want.  But that’s not real power, that’s just a slight control over who they give themselves to.  Men are still the ones looking out for what they want.  Women are still the target.  A fox can choose where it hides and where it runs, but in the end the guy on the horse with the gun is still the one in charge.

Ashley

That’s an interesting take.

Mary-Kate

I guess.  Can you grab some more Splenda from that table for me?

Ashley hands her sister some yellow Splenda packets.  Mary-Kate dumps the Splenda into her water class and pops the empty paper envelope into her mouth.  Ashley sighs.

Ashley

I guess I just want someone to love, you know?  I don’t want to think men have all the power and that I’m just an object.  I want to be appreciated for the things that I appreciate in myself.  It hasn’t been easy  being in the spotlight, you know that more than anyone, Mary-Kate.  Is it so much to ask for someone to share myself with, without feeling like I’m compromising on my hard-won independence?

Mary-Kate

Ashley, that’s enough talking for today.

End Scene.

Act 2, Scene 4

Lance and John roam the aisles of Walgreens.  Lance stops to handle a package of trail mix, and broods.

John

Dude.  What is up with you?

Lance

What do you mean?

John

I mean I’ve hung out with you all day, and all you ever do is brood.  This isn’t the Lance I know.  This isn’t the Lance I rooted for in the Tour de France.

Lance

Tour de Lance.

John

Whatever.  Look, are you upset about something?  What the hell is up with you?

Lance

I’m wasting my life!  That’s what’s up with me.  I don’t know what I want, and I feel like I’m spinning in circles.  Like one of my tires is flat and I don’t have a patch, and there’s a  mountain up ahead and a Frenchman on my tail.  Like the blood transfusions my doctor gave me were laced with Sadness steroids.  Like all the women I’ve dated were just inner tubes floating in an ocean of despair that I tried to hold on to but realized that they couldn’t really keep me up, so I have continued a gradual drowning nightmare that will never end until there is a dynamic change in my life.  That’s how I feel, John.  Are you happy now?  Would you like to write a song about it, you traveling monstrel?

John

Whoa, whoa.  Don’t get mad at me because your life’s a mess.  I was just trying to buy a Sobe.

Lance

You’re a Sobe.

Curtain.